For the past few years I have gotten so very blue at the first hint of cooler weather. It would just all of a sudden hit me in the gut. Maybe when I was walking out of the office building at the end of the day, or maybe when I got to the apartment, walking for exercise, or maybe at Quietwater. The hit was never predictable. Finally I have figured it out. The cool weather is a precursor to the month of December. There are so many joyous things about this time of year that I concentrate on them really hard but the blues sneak in no matter.
Someone once told my oldest daughter that her daddy would not want her to be sad that he is no longer here with us. She responded by saying......he most certainly would want me to miss him. I feel the same way. It has been almost 12 years since Ed died in December 1997 and there are days when I ache from the hurt of missing him. I have to think the more a person touches your life the more you miss them when they are gone.
Here are some things I appreciated about Eddie:
1. He was a kind man. Especially a soft touch when it came to kids
2. He was an honest man
3. He made me laugh at his antics as much as he embarassed me at times
4. He made life fun and an adventure
5. He encouraged me to reach for my goals
6. He was a good daddy to our girls
7. He was passsionate about football which I have always enjoyed
8. He tolerated my love of cats
9. He just held my hand when sadness or frightening things came into my life
10. He kept me grounded (at least most of the time)
11. He learned to love my Alabama family as much as they loved him
12. He arranged private lessons for me to learn to scuba dive
13. He taught me about boats
14. He made it possible for us to travel and see so many places
15. He had the dream that became Quiet Water
16. He loved me
I hope with all my heart that he knew these things. I think he did. We always had a good laugh when we teased that we met and got married so young that it was a good thing we liked each other when we grew up.
My promise to his memory is that I will make sure all our grands will hear stories about him and see pictures so that they will have some idea what a good person he was. He would have loved all our grands and spoiled them rotten given half a chance. I just so wish he could have lived to see Ashley and Paige find the wonderful men in their lives. He would have loved Kevin & Phil and they would have enjoyed knowing him.
The holiday season is here again and it will be the 13th Christmas without Ed. That blows me away sometimes. At times it seems only yesterday I had to say goodbye. But I have said all that to say this: I know I am blessed. I count those blessings every day. With life comes happiness, sadness and all the emotions in between. That's what makes it life. If I had never loved then I would never have felt so sad to lose that love but then I would never have had the joy. So, even if the holidays are bittersweet it is still my favorite time of the year.
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2 comments:
I was just thinking about Ed yesterday and not believing that he's been gone from us for almost 12 years. We were so blessed to have him as part of our family! I said alot of things at his memorial service, but I've always regretted not saying that he showed me what living is really all about. He loved life and he grabbed it by the tail and ran with it. It's sad that he had to leave so young, but he lived life more than any other person I've ever known. I mean he really lived it and took you and the girls along with him for the ride. I hate that Kevin, Phil and the grands missed out on that ride. They would have all loved him so much, like we did and still do. He was everything you said in the blog and so much more. When I think of him, I remember the fun and the laughter. So many good, good memories! I know you miss him and I know you always will. I am thankful that you brought him in to our lives. He was a blessing and he was my brother. Love you.
J
Just saw this tonight, as Tommy and I were realizing the anniversary of Ed gone was coming up. We miss him so much, too, but I know it dwindles in comparison to your loss. I admire you SO much for the strength you show, whether you feel strong or not. J said it all so well and I echo her words---he was a huge part of 'our' family and he taught us alot about life. I regret also that he missed out on the grands---I can see the twinkle in his eyes when around his daughters and only imagine how doting a granddad he would have been. And the big boys would have LOVED him! Hands down! And he THEM! I am sorry you have to go through the sad days but glad you can count those blessings that still surround you. I love you, sis, and I loved Ed.
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